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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23717155">I promise.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/foggy_void/pseuds/foggy_void'>foggy_void</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Choi Soobin Is Bad At Feelings, Clueless Choi Soobin, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Choi Soobin, M/M, Sad Choi Soobin, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sexual Confusion, Soft Choi Yeonjun, Soft Ending, choi soobin cries a lot, soobin is in denial about being gay</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 21:49:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,000</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23717155</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/foggy_void/pseuds/foggy_void</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"I...I don't know. I don't know anything anymore."</p><p>“You know me. You know I’m here for you. If you don’t, then I’ll prove it to you. I promise. I'll always be there to help if you need me."</p><p>Soobin is confused about love and doesn't quite understand different sexualities, but thankfully Yeonjun is there to help him feel better.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>78</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I promise.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Soobin is sitting on the corner in the rain. He’s crying. He doesn’t quite understand why, but he thinks that’s why exactly. He doesn’t understand. He doesn’t know himself anymore. He thought he had everything under control, but he was wrong. How could he be wrong? He should know himself by now, he’s 19! He shouldn’t need to question himself. He knows what he’s been taught, he’s applied it to his life, but it doesn’t work. Like he was given a key to himself, but it doesn’t unlock shit.</p><p>Soobin tried everything, asking how he’s supposed to feel when a girl holds his hand, what he’s supposed to do, how to act, how to go about it based on his feelings. He’s tried feeling ‘the spark’ between two people, but he just doesn’t get it. He’s never gotten butterflies in his stomach when talking to a pretty girl, nor has he gotten flustered or embarrassed when a pretty girl has talked to him. He decided that he isn’t normal and therefore broken.</p><p> </p><p>Soobin’s tears roll down his cheeks and mix with the heavy rain on his face. His clothes are soaked. His hair is completely drenched. He’s cold and shivering, but he fights the urge to go back home. How can he? He’s broken. Something’s not right in his head, but he’s getting restless just sitting and watching the rain fall. He decides to get up and walk. Nowhere in particular, just... away. Far away. All alone. Where he can think.</p><p>.<br/>.   .<br/>.   .   .</p><p>He’s been walking for hours. He only stopped once to look out on the Han River. Why can’t he just float away, like the water can? Why can’t he just be normal? He wishes he can just disappear. He can’t succeed in life if he can’t do what he’s been told, and he’s tried, but his body doesn’t work that way. Soobin looks up at the sky. The clouds are darker now. He doesn’t know what time it is since he left his phone at home. Home. He can’t go home. He can’t face his parents and siblings now that he knows what’s wrong with him. He can stay out. Nobody would want to come looking for him anyway. Who wants to play with a broken toy?</p><p>Soobin's eyes widen when his stomach growls. He uncrosses his arms and suddenly realizes how hungry he is. He hasn’t eaten since lunch at school today, which was hours and hours ago. He pats his pockets but doesn’t feel his wallet. It would be soaked through anyway. He looks around but doesn’t see anywhere he recognizes.</p><p>
  <em>Oh no.</em>
</p><p>Soobin’s breath gets quicker as it sets in that he doesn’t know where he is. Why did he think it was a good idea to wander in the rain without a phone again? He has no way to get home. No money, no phone, no shelter, no food, no ideas. He’s stranded. Soobin’s eyes fill with tears once again. He’s scared. He’s cold.</p><p>Snapping back to reality, Soobin realizes how stupid he’s being. He’s still human, he still needs to deal with what comes. He has it so much better than so many other people, but he's being all sad about something so meaningless. Soobin frowns and decides that it’s best to keep moving. The weather would freeze him if he doesn’t stay warm. As useless and defective as he feels, he still doesn’t want to die. He looks around and picks a well-lit street, starting to walk. He crosses his arms around himself and lets out a shaky breath, a cloud forming in front of his mouth.</p><p> </p><p>He looks up at the street signs and suddenly something clicks in his brain. Yeonjun lives near here! He could go over and- Wait. What is he doing? Thinking that he can just go over to his friend's house and stay the night on such short notice? Why would Yeonjun even want to see him? But, they’re friends. Friends help each other. If Yeonjun doesn’t want to see Soobin, he can say no. Soobin bites his lip in thought. What makes him think he has any right to go to his friend's house and guilt trip them into helping him? This is quite a big favor to ask. Soobin takes a deep breath, shivering. If Yeonjun doesn't want to see him, he can send him away. He's on the verge of hypothermia, and if he doesn't get inside soon, he might actually die. </p><p> </p><p>He walks for a few more minutes, the shop fronts and buildings looking more and more familiar as he remembers walking this way. Soobin soon finds himself in front of Yeonjun’s apartment. He stands at the buzzer, his finger hovering over Yeonjun’s button. What is he doing? He feels like he's only half in control of his actions. He takes another deep breath and presses the button, holding it for a second before letting it go. Soobin doesn’t know what he wants to happen. He's already regretting his decision and hoping that Yeonjun is asleep already and won’t open the door.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello?” Yeonjun’s voice cuts through the rain. Soobin freezes up, swallowing hard. “Is someone there?” Yeonjun asks after a moment.</p><p>“H-hyung…” Soobin says, getting choked up.</p><p>“Soobin-ah? Is that you?” Yeonjun asks. Soobin sniffles.</p><p>“Yes,” Soobin says quietly.</p><p>“What are you doing here so late? You should be at home,” Yeonjun says. “Is something going on?” Soobin doesn’t say anything. He’s covering his mouth to keep from bursting into tears. He sniffles.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m coming down.”</p><p> </p><p>The speaker cracks and goes silent.</p><p>Soobin isn’t sure what he wants to do. He doesn’t want to bother Yeonjun, he sounded irritated that Soobin is here instead of far away from him. He also wants to get out of the rain. Soobin tears his eyes away from the buzzer pad on the door when he sees blue in the corner of his eye. He sees Yeonjun approaching slowly. Cautiously. He isn’t sure about Soobin. He feels a sudden burning emotion in his chest and without thinking, Soobin turns away from the door and starts walking away quickly. He breathes heavily as he tries to calm himself down. He can’t be a burden to anyone else. He is his own problem.</p><p>“Soobin-ah! Wait!” Soobin stops in his tracks. He hears Yeonjun’s running footsteps getting closer. They slow as they approach. Soobin is shaking, from fear, cold, exhaustion, or sadness. Yeonjun comes around to Soobin’s front to look him in the face. Soobin forces his eyes shut.</p><p>“Soobin-ah,” Yeonjun starts, but Soobin still keeps his eyes glued shut. He flinches when Yeonjun puts his hand on his shoulder. Yeonjun sighs. “Come on. Let’s get you warmed up.” Yeonjun moves his hand down to Soobin’s elbow and tugs on his arm, pulling him back towards his apartment.</p><p>Once the pair is inside, they take the elevator up to Yeonjun’s 11th-floor apartment.</p><p>“My roommate is away for a few days so you can stay the night.” Yeonjun opens the door and closes it again when they're both inside, locking it. Soobin has finally screwed his eyes open, but his hand is still tightly clasped over his mouth. “I’ll run a bath.” Yeonjun closes the door and lets go of Soobin’s arm, jogging to the bathroom.</p><p>Soobin swallows hard and wrenches his hand from his face. He shakily removes his shoes and socks, placing them neatly next to the door. He peels off his jacket and awkwardly holds it to his chest. He feels like he’s underwater. He’s so cold. He can feel any slight breeze against his wet clothes. He takes another deep breath and looks up at the ceiling, blinking rapidly to clear his tears. All he can think of is what an inconvenience he must be to Yeonjun.</p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun returns a few minutes later to see Soobin still in the doorway. He walks over and wordlessly guides Soobin to his bathroom. He opens the door wider for Soobin, closing it behind him.</p><p>“I’ll make you tea, you can use my soap and shampoo,” Yeonjun says through the door. Soobin sees his reflection in the mirror, furrowing his brow at the sight. He’s soaked and chilled to the bone. He looks deathly pale and his eyes are bloodshot. His lips are blue and he is shaking like a leaf.</p><p>He tears his eyes down and starts undressing himself, peeling off his shirt, then his pants and underwear. He places his sopping wet clothes on the counter next to the sink and eases himself into the scalding bathtub, scrunching up his face at the burning hot water against his skin. He finally sits down and his skin starts warming up a bit. His teeth chatter and he shivers, pulling his legs closer to his chest.</p><p>He sniffles again. The sudden temperature change is making his nose run. There’s a quiet knock on the door and it opens enough to let Yeonjun in. He keeps an arm over his eyes and his other holding a cup of tea, clean clothes, and a towel. He keeps his eyes on the floor and he crouches to give Soobin the tea. Soobin accepts it, the mug being too hot for Soobin to hold comfortably. He avoids touching it directly and blows on the contents. Yeonjun places the folded towel on the floor and the clothes on top of it. He then goes to stand, but Soobin stops him.</p><p>“Hyung,” Soobin starts, his voice hoarse from crying. “Can you… stay with me?” He asks quietly.</p><p>“Of course,” Yeonjun replies and turns so he’s facing the door. He sits with his back against the bathtub and his legs crossed. They sit in silence for a few moments, Soobin drinking his tea and trying to warm up.</p><p>“I-” Soobin starts. He sniffles and takes another deep breath.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>“What for?” Yeonjun asks.</p><p>“For bothering you so late at night,” Soobin explains. “I shouldn’t be here. You don’t have to help me.”</p><p>“What do you mean I ‘don’t have to help you’? Of course I do, you’re my friend, I can’t just leave you in the rain,” Yeonjun says and looks back into Soobin’s eyes to make his point. “Why were you out there anyways? You were soaked when you buzzed my apartment.”</p><p>“I… I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore.” Soobin replies, sounding drained. Yeonjun sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“You know me. You know I’m here for you. If you don’t, then I’ll prove it to you.”</p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun’s tone is genuine. “I promise. I’ll always help if you need me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, Yeonjun-hyung,” Soobin says quietly.</p><p>Soobin uncurls himself and sinks more into the water. His shivering has calmed down, but he still feels cold. He places his mug on the floor and ruffles his hair under the water, reaching for the body wash. He pumps some into his palm and lathers it in his hands before sitting up and gliding it over his arms and chest. He sinks back down to wash it off, coming back up a second later.</p><p>He clicks open Yeonjun’s shampoo and squeezes some into the palm of his hand, lathers it, and massages it into his hair. He rinses it off but decides to stay in the water a bit longer. It’s calming, having Yeonjun there and feeling the warmth from the bath surrounding his body and from the tea in his hands. He doesn’t realize, but a tear slips down his cheek.</p><p> </p><p>The moment is cut short when the buzzer for the apartment suddenly rings and the boys look up.</p><p>“That’s probably the pizza. I’ll be right back.” Yeonjun moves to stand and grabs Soobin's wet clothes on his way out. Soobin isn’t quite sure what to do. He ordered pizza? Soobin shakes his head and tries to think of something else. He sits up more, drinking the last of his tea, and decides to get out. His fingers are pruning up.</p><p> </p><p>Soobin pulls the drain open and stands, his muscles aching a bit. He stretches his back and grabs the towel from the floor, drying his face and hair first, then moving to the rest of his body. He steps onto the mat on the floor and picks up the clothes that Yeonjun left for him, unfolding them. He makes sure to close the door to prevent any embarrassing situations, then drapes the towel over the sink and takes the clean clothes. Yeonjun brought him boxer briefs, sweatpants, a T-shirt, and a sweatshirt. He slips on the underwear and sweatpants and Yeonjun knocks on the door.</p><p>“Hey, I ordered pizza for us-” Yeonjun opens the door and makes eye contact with Soobin. Soobin flushes pink and covers his chest. Yeonjun’s face turns a bit pink and he stares for a second before realizing. “Ah, sorry,” Yeonjun says and backs out of the room. Soobin quickly pulls on the shirt and pullover, clearing his throat awkwardly. He smoothes any wrinkles and looks at his reflection in the mirror. He looks a bit more like himself, <em>alive,</em> I mean, but his eyes are puffy and red still. At least he's not freezing anymore.</p><p> </p><p>Soobin is startled when his stomach growls again. Right, he still hasn’t eaten. He swallows, takes a deep breath, and takes the empty mug before turning and opening the bathroom door. He looks up and sees Yeonjun in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with a furrowed brow and pursed lips. Yeonjun looks up when he hears the door open and his face goes back to normal.</p><p><br/>“I ordered a pizza for us,” Yeonjun says again and Soobin smiles a bit, shuffling over.</p><p>“Thanks, I’ll pay you back when-”</p><p>“No! You don’t have to, it’ll balance out.” Yeonjun waves his hands to stop Soobin from finishing his sentence. Soobin is a bit surprised, but smiles nonetheless. Yeonjun takes the empty mug from Soobin and places it in the sink.</p><p>“If you insist,” Soobin says. Yeonjun smirks back and motions for Soobin to go to the living room. He takes the pizza and the two walk to the couch, sitting down next to each other. Yeonjun pulls a blanket from the side of the couch and throws it over the two of them, placing the pizza between them.</p><p>Yeonjun turns on the TV and opens Netflix, looking at Soobin. Soobin shrugs and Yeonjun stops the cursor on Bee and Puppycat, looking over to Soobin again. Soobin kind of chuckles, looking back at Yeonjun.</p><p>“Isn’t this for kids?” He asks, opening the pizza box.</p><p>“Not really, I think it’s more for teenagers,” Yeonjun replies and chooses it, winking. He starts the first episode, taking a slice of pizza. Soobin laughs a bit but doesn’t protest.</p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun smiles to himself, glad that Soobin is feeling a bit better, but then frowns as he remembers what needs to be done.</p><p>“Why did you really come here? I mean, it’s not like I don’t want you here, but you seemed really upset earlier. Do you, uh, want to talk about it?” Yeonjun asks quietly. Soobin's breath catches and he purses his lips uncomfortably.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Soobin says and curls his legs to his chest, “for bothering you, I mean.”</p><p>“Don’t apologize. You made the right decision to come to me, I’m happy to see you,” Yeonjun replies and places his hand on Soobin’s knee, smiling reassuringly. “But what’s on your mind?” Soobin clears his throat and breaks eye contact.</p><p>“I… I feel like something’s wrong with me. Like, my whole life, I’ve been taught that my life is supposed to go one way, and I’ll be successful if I make it go that way, it should go that way on its own, but I just don’t… get it. It doesn’t make sense to me, I don’t want my life to look like that, and I don’t understand why,” Soobin explains. He avoids saying what it’s really about in fear of Yeonjun’s reaction, but Yeonjun seems to get it anyway. “I feel like if I can’t fit the mold, I’m broken, or something’s wrong with me. I've felt like this for a while, so I guess it just... built up, and I just-” Soobin sniffles, then sighs.</p><p> </p><p>"And I broke." Soobin looks down.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I get it. I don’t think I quite understand exactly how you feel, but I get what you mean.” Yeonjun nods knowingly.</p><p>“Again, I’m really sorry for bothering you so late,” Soobin says and relaxes a little bit.</p><p>“Stop it. Stop. Apologizing.” Yeonjun says, glaring playfully and swatting at Soobin's sweatshirt. Soobin chuckles and takes another slice of pizza. From there they sit in comfortable silence, breaking it every so often to comment on the cartoon or to make a joke.</p><p> </p><p>About an hour or two later, Soobin is feeling a lot better. He laughs at Yeonjun’s jokes and doesn’t hesitate to make his own. They’ve both finished the ungodly amount of pizza they had gotten and are now trying not to fall asleep. Yeonjun is leaning on Soobin and Soobin is leaning on the arm of the couch. Yeonjun is barely awake. They’ve skipped the ‘are you still there’ message once already, but it’s back again.</p><p>“Hyung, can you pass the remote?” Soobin asks quietly, nudging Yeonjun.</p><p><br/>“Mmmmm,” Yeonjun groans and stretches out a bit, falling back onto Soobin. “Get it yourself.”</p><p>“I can’t reach it from here,” Soobin reasons.</p><p>“Let’s just sleep now,” Yeonjun sighs and cuddles closer to Soobin. Soobin smiles and rolls his eyes.</p><p>“Fine,” he agrees and moves so he’s laying down. Yeonjun scooches up so that his head is resting on Soobin’s shoulder. Soobin pulls the blanket up to cover them both and relaxes into the couch, smiling down at Yeonjun.</p><p> </p><p>Soobin smiles to himself when Yeonjun falls asleep. He’s so grateful for Yeonjun, he’s helped him so much. Soobin knows he’s not broken, just different. Different because Soobin likes boys, and he's decided that he wants the boy who’s asleep on his chest.</p><p>&lt;:&gt;fin&lt;:&gt;</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is the first story i'm posting here, i'll try and write more soon :) tell me if you have any criticisms please i want to improve my writing.</p><p>yeah please tell me if something doesn't quite make sense and i'll try and fix it. be mean about it too, don't try and soften the blow ;P</p></blockquote></div></div>
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